Late my 15th day

I am tired. No more sleeping until midnight. Sleeping until midnight is like asking to be tired for the rest of the next day. Especially now that I have come to work for the first time late. I woke up at 9:30am. Yes, I said three hours after I am supposed to wake up and the time I am supposed to be sitting at my desk at work. Awesome. I woke up totally confused as to what day it was. I was so out of it. Luckily I am a temp so I went through my staffing company and right now the only consequences are that I am not getting paid the two hours I was late. I can handle that. But I blame my phone. It has been acting weird for the past month and the Apple store won't replace it even though it is only a three month old phone. Last month, it would restart on its own over and over again and wouldn't stop until I restored it to manufacturer settings. I had to plug it into my own computer to for the phone to stop freaking out. That was fun (not). A month later (this past weekend) it happened again. I called AT&T the first time it happened and this time I went to the Apple Store. They said there isn't enough proof to show that the phone needs be replaced. HELLO of course not now that I have restored it, AGAIN just so I can use it! They said only if it happens again will they do anything since I only called AT&T once and came to them once. I guess third times a charm.

I have to wake up at 6am every morning to prepare myself for the day to get ready, eat breakfast and catch the 8:03am train so that I can make it to daily mass at St. Francis of Assisi on the way to the office. I arrive late to mass every morning because the train arrives to Penn Station at 8:28. I just barely make the beginning of mass. Hopefully working two jobs won't kill me.

Now that this has happened, being late, I remember another time where I could have totally missed an interview over a purse. This is only because it broke. It broke on my way to an interview. I was walking and the clip attached to the straps decided to brake. I was running 30 minutes early like a good interviewee. So I decided I had enough time to maybe run into Macy's on 34th street right out of Penn Station. It's been along time since I have been in that store location and if you haven't been there before, I'll try to explain what that Macy's is like as best I can. First of all, it's "The World's Largest Store". It takes up an entire city block and has around 10 levels. Basically, if you're on a mission for a specific item with a specific budget and on a time crunch, it's probably not going to be the best choice in retail options. What did I know? I only knew that Macy's would probably provide me with a nicer and professional purse and it was the only retail store I knew was close to the train station. (By the way, there are plenty of retail options right around Macy's). When I entered the store, I realized what a terrible idea it was as I searched for the sales racks. With no success and wasting time I frantically searched for an exit. I luckily ran out the exit across the street from H&M and went straight for the purse section. I grab a purse professional enough and budget worthy and run to the register. She rang it up and the price came to over $100. That was NOT in my budget. I gave up and just used the purse the best I could. At least I can say I learned from this experience. Now I know how to pack my things and what kind of purse I need to have. When things go wrong, learning from the situation is the best way to deal with it and for it to not happen again.

But, it really is hitting me now that I have no control over my life. I am still living at my cousins and trying to find a place to live either in Brooklyn or Queens. I am not able to buy anything like clothes or decorations because there isn't space in my temporary room. I see my money diminish slowly and thank God how lucky I am to have acquired a job. I can tell I am starting to lose it because I can't remember the last time my nails were this short. I am literally obliterating my nails. I hate that I have the habit already of biting and picking at my nails but I can't seem to help it especially now that I am more stressed with finding somewhere to live and finding roommates. I guess I am on stress overload and didn't know it!

I just have to keep reminding myself of my past accomplishments and how I got to where I am today. I luckily have family I can stay with while. I will hopefully live by an affordable gym when I live on my own or near a nice park to run in. I have clothes and food. I have a car to take me to the train station. I have made friends from work and family. I am alive and living my dream!! I am New York City for heaven's sake!!