All that my brain wanted to process this morning when I was overhearing my cousin outside my room in the kitchen was him say "It definitely feels like fall out there." I was thinking, "IT DOES!? yay!!!" If you really knew me, you'd know that I love to layer my clothes. It's a sickness really because when I layer, I sometimes don't care if I matched the clothes to look nice. I just like layering and mixing all the colors together!! I was hoping moving to the fashion capitol of the work (New York City if you didn't know) would help give me better layering and styling tips. It's a little weird but people just have to get used to my weirdness if you want to be my friend. I put on my green lace dress, my normal bra and normal panties but also put on panty-hoes. That is right people: I didn't say tights, I said panty-hoes. Don't know what they are? Google it. I also add blue ankle socks and then my green knee-high socks from Target because I realized my legs were going to be cold. Then my gray jacket and another heavier black jacket. Do I want my hat? Naw I have a hood. And it's red so it probably doesn't match. I walk outside and think, my butt is cold. So I add shorts I usually wear to the gym which are almost the same color as my dress (score!). I am ready! I get to work and take off the high knee socks and my jacket. As I look down, I notice that my panty-hoes split/ripped. There is now a hole right on the inside of my right knee. Awesome. Should I take them off? To me it's obvious but hopefully I can get through the rest of the day without noticing it or anyone else noticing it. I decide, like any other women my age, to text my mom and see what she would do about it while hopefully ignoring the fact that I am even wearing panty-hoes. Of course she gives me the more logical advice of just buying a new pair at Duane Reade which is actually right across the street when I leave work today. Oh the joy of having a mother who used to work in the city and wore/wears panty-hoes.
Anyway, I am a firm believer in my religion and it is believed that praying can change your life. This is true. So I would and still always pray over finding a job and guidance in finding a place to live. I know that God has something planned for me. But it is my job to actually get the courage to look for it. If I just wanted to sit around and complain that God didn't help me find a job, that would be unfair. I had to find the nerve to fly to New York and find what God had and has in store for me. His plan will be done. I just have to do what is right and look for it. People from back home in Florida thought I was crazy for just leaving for New York and look for a job. I didn't have anything planned out really. I knew I just had to go. I had a lot of support from my parents and family. If it wasn't going to work out for me, I knew I could just come back. But God knows my wants and my needs. I went for it and took a chance. If I didn't take that chance, I never would have learned all the things that I've learned so far by coming here.
After staying at my cousin's house in New Jersey the first month with no success in acquiring a job, I knew that I wanted to keep looking for a job in the city so I decided that I needed my car. The only way I was going to get my car to New York was drive it up here. My sister is the only crazy one in the family who has driven long distances before because she goes to school in Pennsylvania and she needed her car. She drove all the way to school and drives back down for holidays. I thought I would never be able to do that. I sometimes couldn't drive the three hours it took to go from school to my parent's house on weekends! The issue was everything became unknown for me. My lease in Florida at school was ending the last day of July so I had to pack my things from school anyways. I have anxiety so the unknown is not my friend. It's actually not a
friend to most people. Sometimes, it is so bad that I can't even go out
with my girlfriends for a bite to eat! I hate it but I can't help it.
Especially when it comes to driving at night.
When I flew back to Florida to pack my things, I decided to try and at least find a friend who would maybe drive up to New Jersey with me. I found no luck. I knew this was some kind of a test or maybe that I didn't try hard enough to find someone who would travel with me. In any case it ended up being one of the best experience of my life. I left on my own and stayed in a hotel over night in Raleigh, NC all by myself! The people I met in Raleigh were so nice. I was caught up talking to his couple who were from California but moved to Raleigh when they retired. I didn't enjoy the food that much but even for breakfast the people at Denny's were so kind. The people I met in that less than 24 hour visit to NC were pretty darn awesome.
From Raleigh I headed towards Baltimore, Maryland. I was planning on staying in Baltimore for a night because I really wanted to see Edgar Allan Poe's grave but it didn't work out. Instead I just visited his famous grave and kept on my way. I have a weird love for Edgar Allen Poe and graveyards so being able to visit both in one trip was pretty cool. He is buried with other people from his time and from before. It was very awesome. I didn't stay the night in Baltimore because the city was scary. Actually, the random person I asked about restaurants in the area scared me because she was maybe freaked out herself. She basically told me to watch my purse instead of suggesting a place for me to grab dinner. So I didn't want to stay after that encounter.
It should have only taken 3 hours but took 5 because cars were backed up from an 18 wheeler that caught on fire combined with everyone driving back from their vacation at the shore. Arriving at 10pm I was delusional and so excited to see my cousin I gave him a ginormous hug (which was probably unusual for him because I never receive hugs from him). I was going to hug any person I saw first because I literally missed being able to talk and be with another human being and I was actually hoping it was going to be him.
Anyway if I had to take that trip again, I definitely would (even with my anxiety). I luckily didn't have that much anxiety on this trip compared to other trips I have taken. I knew it was something I needed to do and that is probably why I wasn't suffering. Traveling is an experience you will never get back and an experience you will never forget. I will not let my anxiety take me from traveling to where I need to go and neither should you.
xoxo
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